Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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