sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
