oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
