well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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