I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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