Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
