the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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