dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
