yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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