Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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