Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
