Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
