And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
