I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
