You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
