Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
