what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
