GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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