I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
