Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
where are my eyebrows?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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