Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
