I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
