Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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