I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woke up backwards on a recliner
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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