last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
