I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
