I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
