I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
