i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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