I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
