That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
