We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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