I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
