Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
