He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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