Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
