i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
