She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
