are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
