I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
