i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize