It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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