there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
