dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize