So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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