Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
there's paper in my vomit.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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