T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
