LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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