Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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