she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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