Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
