Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
