So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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