I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
