Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
try to milk me bitch
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