I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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