Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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