You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
