xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
