..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
