A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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