you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
