I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Green mimosas i think yes
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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