Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
