it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
They took my balls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
whose parrot is this?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
