youre lurking in front of me
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
