dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
