if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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