6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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