I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
