i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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