Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
