I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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