Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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