Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
