I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Do vagina's smell?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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