She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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