Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
