If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize