I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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