What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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